Mattering in Community
When someone says, “You matter”, does it feel good or does it feel like a sales tactic? Does it warm your heart or make your eyes roll?
Chances are you have heard this phrase before but there was no action to prove it.
At HTOEC individuals are given the opportunity to cultivate their sense of self worth, practice caring for themselves, and celebrate their unique brilliance as a part of a supportive community.
I’ve recently pondered my own sense of belonging and how much I matter in various community spaces I enjoy being part of. As someone who thrives by gathering with and learning from different perspectives and lifestyles, I sometimes find myself outside the norm in the way I look, think, and act. I may not always jive with community patterns or unspoken expectations but I still have the ability to vibe with and within the group. The same can be said for anyone considered an outlier.
A few questions to consider when we find ourselves interested in a community, but find that we fit in in certain ways:
Do we need to fit in to feel like we belong?
How do we find a sense of belonging and mattering in spaces where fitting into an unspoken norm is a challenge?
3 ways I know thriving in a community is possible for me
Feeling safe to be more of myself
Feeling wanted and welcomed
My ideas and perspectives matter
In times when I don’t fit a general aesthetic or set of norms, if these three values are present it becomes easier for me to feel connected to the community. For some people, shared values, interests, and ideals matter a great deal. If the absence of commonalities is a dealbreaker for you, then honor what you feel you need to deepen connection. Common group is a powerful bridge that connects us; but may not be the only indicator of a community’s fit for us.
If the aforementioned values are in place; there are a few actions we can then take to cultivate our own sense of mattering
Cultivating my own sense of mattering
While communities can be support systems for individuals and a place where individuals are shown that their presence and ideas are valued; community can’t be the only source of self worth. We each have a job to do to grow our own sense of worth.
In times of wondering if I matter to others, I am often brought back to the question of how much do I matter to myself?
Two things that can remind us of how much we matter: Self Care and Self Worth
When hearing words like self-care and self-worth, one might think retreats, being nice to yourself, positive self-talk, spa day. I mean who doesn’t love an infrared sauna and a hot spring?
How do you care for yourself when you feel stress or low energy?
During an active season at camp self care starts to feel like a luxury as it’s not on the program agenda for the day.
The thought of balancing life might induce more stress; so how do we start small?
Simple self care hacks
What type of things bring you joy and help you reset and refocus? Reading? A walk in nature? Doom scrolling?
You might be tempted to pause and scroll, go sit in the grass, or do any beside the thing causing stress.
So why don’t we just pause and go for it. Even if only for a few minutes, self care gives us the opportunity to tend what our brain and body need to feel well.
Self care is a good opportunity to practice asking for help and putting the stress on pause until we can bring ourselves back to a state where we’re ready to reengage with the world.
Our daily schedules might dictate how much time we get to spend doing self-care, but the important thing is identifying healthy tools that give us physical or mental relief. The groups we choose to connect with should promote open communication about and should support individuals' needs for self care within existing expectations and schedules.
We like to say at High Trails that self care is group care. I would explain this as: we all succeed, do more and do better when all of us are at our best!
Humans need breaks and not just during sleep. Take a brain break
The link below shares study from the National Institutes of Health documents how taking breaks during the day can increase productivity and focus.
We could all use some intentional planning of micro self care moments throughout our day. Self care is one way to remind us that we matter; and is a foundation of self-worth.
Cultivating Self Worth
Here at camp we focus intentionally on helping our students and staff build a strong sense of self.
A sense of how one shows up in the world and life situations
A sense of how one shows up with self
Sometimes life can get so busy we can start to get disconnected with what that means for us.
Should we all just go camp to discover or reinvigorate our sense of worth?
I vote yes! Who knows; it might just help the collective of humanity feel less disconnected.
Here are a few additional self worth tools that can be used right now.
Celebrate every win
Part of that sense of self is recognizing yourself for your own achievements and things you do well.
Next time someone congratulates you, what if you said “thanks it was a really big deal”, as opposed to downplaying it. Even if it’s the most minute thing, don’t let your wins go unnoticed. Be your own cheerleader. Yay me!
Accept the fact that you are brilliant
As Michelle Gomez said, “Own your brilliance”.
Let yourself be noticed. Let yourself stand out doing what you’re good at.
When we shrink back and let ourselves feel like we’re not that big of a deal, we reinforce the story that we don’t matter.
Maybe you share that idea openly in the meeting tomorrow. Maybe you raise your hand to answer a question you know the answer to. Your thoughts matter, your words matter. If that’s not a story you’re telling yourself, it’s time to rewrite the narrative.
Build a stronger community
To revisit our opening thoughts; community fosters support, safety, celebration, belonging, and friendship
Sounds a lot like camp truthfully
Be a part of groups that help you grow, that help strengthen your values, make room for your uniqueness, and most importantly make sure they help you want to do those things for yourself. Self-worth can grow tremendously as we acknowledge the good we are doing and find others to celebrate and do good with.
Farewell for now thoughts
How can we help create spaces that communicate openness and acceptance for all?
How can we better communicate a sense of belonging and mattering within ourselves?
Individuals need communities and a sense of belonging and mattering in the group... AND communities need individuals, people with different perspectives, backgrounds and ideas to thrive. As individuals we can promote our own sense of "mattering" or worth through self care and intentionally boosting our self worth.
Self care hack:
Take breaks to do something that lights you up
Take brain breaks for mental rest
3 Ways to boost self-worth
Celebrate every win (Nothing about you is a small deal)
Own your brilliance (Tell yourself the story of your own greatness)
Build stronger community (Many communities are fortunate to have you)
